CEO Mama Newsletter: 39th Edition

Listen, we’ve probably all heard about the controversial Diary of a CEO episode by now that demonizes working mothers, and makes it sound like if we choose to work before our child turns 3, we’re causing attachment damage. I was just as triggered by the episode as so many of my friends were, so I decided to dive into more research on the topic.

Bottom Line Up Front

The research that made working mothers feel guilty was conducted during an economic recession on white, middle-class families where maternal employment was still controversial. Modern studies show children of working mothers, especially entrepreneurs, develop stronger independence, problem-solving skills, and resilience. Your success isn’t damaging your kids; it’s giving them advantages for the modern world.

The Study That Broke a Million Hearts

In 1988, a study landed like a bomb in the lives of working mothers everywhere. Dr. Jay Belsky’s research suggested that children who spent more than 20 hours per week in childcare during their first year were more likely to be aggressive and assertive.

The media ran with it. Headlines screamed about “daycare dangers” and “maternal deprivation.” The message was clear: working mothers were damaging their kids.

And we continue to hear this narrative perpetuated… not mentioning a certain ahem Diary of a CEO ahem episode here.

What no one mentioned was the context. This research emerged during the 1980s recession when women entering the workforce threatened traditional economic structures. The studies focused on predominantly white, middle-class families where maternal employment was still culturally radical.

Fast forward 35 years, and we know those studies got it spectacularly wrong.

But the damage was done. An entire generation of ambitious women internalized the message that their success came at their children’s expense.

What We Know Now

After being triggered in so many ways by a certain podcast, I dove into the topic myself. It turns out that modern research tells a very different story:

• Academic achievement. Daughters of working mothers are more likely to be employed, hold leadership roles, and earn higher wages as adults.
  

• Independence. Kids of working mothers show greater self-reliance and problem-solving skills.
  

• Gender equality. Sons of working mothers are more egalitarian and spend 50% more time on childcare as adults.
  

• Resilience. Children of entrepreneurs show higher adaptability and recovery from setbacks.

A Harvard Business School study following 50,000 adults across 25 countries found that having a working mother was one of the strongest predictors of career success, especially for daughters.

Those “aggressive and assertive” children from the 1980s? They grew up to be leaders.

The Attachment Theory Trap

Much of the guilt around working motherhood stems from attachment theory: the idea that children need constant maternal presence to develop secure bonds.

Here’s what’s important to understand about its origins: John Bowlby developed his early ideas while studying children who had experienced genuine trauma, including WWII evacuees separated from parents, hospitalized children isolated from caregivers, and those raised in institutional settings with inconsistent or inadequate care.

These children weren’t experiencing normal, everyday separations. They were experiencing profound disruptions and losses that affected their ability to trust caregivers at all.

The problem came when these findings were applied to normal family situations. Over time, attachment theory evolved into the suggestion that any regular separation from mothers, even typical childcare arrangements, could harm attachment security. This created the false equation that working mothers were subjecting their children to deprivation.

But modern attachment research tells a completely different story:

• Secure attachment depends on responsive, consistent caregiving, not constant presence.

• Children can form secure attachments with multiple caregivers.

• Quality of interaction matters infinitely more than quantity of time.

• Father involvement and overall family stability predict child outcomes more strongly than mother’s employment status.

The research shows that children don’t need perfect mothers who never leave. They need caregivers who are emotionally available and responsive when present, whether that’s a working mother, a stay-at-home father, grandparents, or trusted childcare providers.

The Entrepreneurial Advantage

When I dig into research specifically on children of entrepreneurs, the benefits become even clearer.

They develop:

• Advanced problem-solving skills. Watching you navigate uncertainty, pivot, and create solutions from nothing is practical apprenticeship in resilience.

• Realistic risk assessment. They understand security comes from adaptability, not avoiding risks altogether.

• Independence and self-reliance. When mom is in back-to-back meetings, you figure out how to solve problems yourself.

• Growth mindset. Seeing you fail, learn, and try again normalizes struggle as part of growth.

• Work-life integration. They see work and family as integrated, not competing forces.

One study found children of entrepreneurs are 60% more likely to start their own businesses and show higher tolerance for ambiguity and change.

The Cultural Bias Hidden in Plain Sight

Here’s something that made me angry:

Most “maternal sensitivity” research measures culturally specific behaviors that favor stay-at-home mothering, like:

• Immediate response to every infant cry

• Constant physical proximity

• Anticipating needs before kids express them

• Hovering during play to prevent frustration

But these behaviors predict dependence, not healthy development.

When researchers study parenting across cultures, they find many societies raise thriving children through what Western research would label “insensitive parenting”, encouraging independence, allowing reasonable risk-taking, and expecting children to contribute to family functioning.

The research wasn’t necessarily measuring good parenting. It was measuring a narrow cultural ideal.

The Swedish Revelation

Want to see what happens when working motherhood is culturally supported? Look at Sweden:

• 80% of Swedish mothers work outside the home.

• Swedish children consistently rank among the happiest and most successful globally.

• Swedish adults report higher life satisfaction and better work-life balance.

• Mental health outcomes for Swedish children exceed those in countries with lower maternal employment.

The difference? Swedish culture doesn’t treat working motherhood as a threat. Children thrive when their mothers are supported, engaged, and purposeful.

What “Good Parenting” Really Looks Like

Modern developmental psychology shows children need:

• Responsive (not constant) attention

• Appropriate challenges to develop resilience

• Modeling of adult competence

• Secure base behavior - available for comfort while encouraging independence

• Predictable, but flexible routines

Notice what’s not on this list: constant presence, anticipating every need, or sacrificing all personal goals for child-focused activities.

The Real Research on Maternal Employment

When studies control for socioeconomic factors, the data shows:

No negative effects on child development when:

• Care arrangements are stable and responsive

• Mothers are satisfied with work

• Family relationships remain prioritized

• Kids receive adequate attention when parents are present

Positive effects include:

• Greater independence and self-direction

• Higher academic achievement (especially for daughters)

• More egalitarian gender attitudes

• Better social skills and peer relationships

• Higher resilience and adaptability

Dr. Ellen Galinsky, who has studied working families for 30 years, says: “The question isn’t whether mothers should work: it’s how we support families so that both parents and children can thrive.”

The Guilt That Serves No One

Here’s what I’ve personally realized: my guilt about working isn’t protecting my daughter.

Kids are incredibly attuned to our emotional states. When we feel guilty about working, they absorb that guilt. They learn that success is shameful, that female ambition requires apology, that pursuing meaningful work is selfish.

What serves her is having a mother who:

• Is engaged and energized by her work

• Models sustainable success without martyrdom

• Shows that women can be nurturing and ambitious

• Proves personal fulfillment and family love aren’t mutually exclusive

The Reframe That Changes Everything

What if we stopped defending working motherhood and started recognizing it as good parenting?

We’re not “making the best of a bad situation.” We’re giving our kids advantages that non-working mothers often can’t provide:

• A model of female competence and contribution

• Practical training in independence and resilience

• Exposure to diverse perspectives and problem-solving

• A template for integrating personal fulfillment with family commitment

Your Turn: The Guilt Audit

This week, notice your internal dialogue:

When you feel guilty about work, ask:

• What am I actually guilty about? Missing a school event, or pursuing meaningful work?

• What message does this guilt send my kids about female ambition?

• Would I want my daughter to feel guilty about her future success?

• What would change if I saw my work as good parenting instead of competing with it?

The Plot Twist

The research that made us feel guilty wasn’t just wrong: it was backwards.

The traits that make us successful in business… independence, problem-solving, adaptability, resilience… are exactly what our kids need to thrive in the modern world.

We’re not choosing career over children. We’re showing them what it looks like to be competent, contributing adults. We’re proving women can be both nurturing and ambitious.

Those “damaged” kids from the 1980s studies? They’re the leaders and change-makers of today.

Our success isn’t harming our children. It’s preparing them for a world that rewards exactly the skills we model every day.

👭 What aspects of “good mothering” have you internalized that might not actually serve your kids? How would your parenting change if you viewed your professional success as an asset rather than a liability? Hit reply, I want to hear how this lands for you.

💌 Know a working mother who needs to drop the guilt? Forward this to her. Sometimes the most radical thing we can do is recognize we’re already doing it right.

✨ P.S. One of the most powerful ways to release the pressure of “doing it all” is to design systems that don’t rely on your constant presence. That’s why I created The Home Harmony Handbook: a complete operating system for your home that can be fully delegated, so your energy can be focused where it matters most. As a CEO Mama Newsletter subscriber, you can access it today for $47 (normally $497). Claim your $450 subscriber discount on The Home Harmony Handbook here.