CEO Mama Newsletter: 18th Edition

Hey ,

Somewhere along the way, “having it all” started to feel like “carrying it all.”

And the heaviest part isn’t the doing.

It’s the assumption that no one else will.

It’s not that there’s resentment toward the people being cared for. The caregiving, the organizing, the anticipating — it’s second nature. There’s pride in it. A deep sense of fulfillment in knowing the family is nourished, the home is running smoothly, the schedules align, and nothing falls through the cracks.

But there’s also something else.

A quiet frustration.

Not because it’s too much, but because it doesn’t always feel like a choice.

Because too often, the systems at play — inside homes, workplaces, and society — default to placing the invisible labor in one direction. And when something is done seamlessly, it’s easy for others to stop noticing that it’s being done at all.

So the weight builds.

Not overnight. Not in a single moment. But in the thousands of small ways responsibility accumulates until it’s no longer clear whether it was actively taken on or simply never put down.

The Hidden Cost of Being "The One Who Holds It All"

There’s a difference between choosing to hold it all and being expected to.

The former is power. The latter is a slow erosion of it.

And that’s where resentment lives.

Not in the tasks themselves, but in the lack of choice. In the reality that stepping back often feels harder than pushing through. Because:

• Delegating takes more effort than just doing it.

• Asking for help can feel like admitting struggle.

• Letting someone else take over risks it not being done right.

And so the dynamic remains. Not because it works, but because it’s easier in the short term than changing it.

Why No One Else Seems to Notice (And How to Shift It)

Here’s the truth that no one says out loud:

Most of the people benefiting from this invisible labor don’t fully understand its weight — not because they don’t care, but because they’ve never had to hold it.

The grocery lists, the appointments, the emotional temperature of the household, the tiny adjustments made to keep everything flowing… none of it happens in a vacuum. But when it’s absorbed seamlessly by one person, it remains unseen by everyone else.

And what is unseen cannot be redistributed.

This is why “just asking for help” rarely works. It puts the burden of management back on the person already carrying the load.

Instead, real shifts happen when:

• The default systems change. Not “helping,” but co-owning responsibilities without needing to be asked.

• Invisible labor is made visible. Not through complaints, but by naming and normalizing what is actually involved.

• Control is released, even when it’s uncomfortable. No more stepping in to fix, adjust, or redo what someone else was willing to take on.

The goal is never to step back entirely. It’s to create a world where stepping back is a choice — not a battle.

The patterns that play out at home don’t stay there.

The same habits of over-functioning, absorbing responsibility, and assuming that things won’t get done unless they’re personally handled? They show up in leadership, too.

They show up in:

• Taking on work that should be delegated — because explaining it takes longer than doing it.

• Over-delivering for clients and teams to the point of burnout — because that’s just what a high standard requires.

• Resisting hiring or outsourcing — because letting go of control feels more uncomfortable than overworking.

But here’s the truth: Strong leadership isn’t about doing more — it’s about building systems that function without constant personal involvement.

The best leaders don’t just carry the load themselves. They create environments where responsibility is shared, clarity is built into the system, and no one person (including themselves) is the default for everything.

Because whether at home or in business, if the system only works when one person is over-functioning, it’s not a strong system — it’s a fragile one.

Unlearning the Reflex to Carry It All

One reason stepping back feels so difficult?

There’s been conditioning to believe that being needed is the same as being valued.

That handling it all means being strong.
That rest is something to be earned.
That delegation means losing control rather than creating space.

So even when exhaustion sets in, the instinct isn’t to pause, it’s to push through.

Because:

• If there’s time to rest, there’s time to get ahead.

• If things need to be redone, it’s easier to do them yourself.

• If no one else notices what needs to be handled, there’s no choice but to step up.

But here’s the shift: Real support isn’t about someone stepping in when asked. It’s about not having to ask in the first place.

It’s about moving from:
🚫 "Let me know if you need help" → "Here’s what I can take on."
🚫 "I didn't realize that needed to be done" → "I made sure that was handled."
🚫 "Just tell me what to do" → "I see what needs attention, and I’m on it."

This kind of support requires two things:

1. Naming what’s invisible. The weight of invisible labor doesn’t shift until it’s clearly seen. Not as a complaint, but as a rebalancing of awareness.

2. Letting go of control, even when it’s uncomfortable. If stepping in, fixing, or redoing is the default, true support never has the space to emerge.

It takes trust. It takes discomfort. And it takes the belief that being the one who carries it all is not the same as being irreplaceable.

Ask yourself:

• Where has “doing it all” become automatic rather than intentional?

• What’s one place where control is being held too tightly — and what would happen if it was released?

• Instead of carrying the full mental load, what conversation would shift the default dynamic?

Because real relief doesn’t come from taking breaks. It comes from knowing that when you return, the weight hasn’t increased in your absence. 

These are the shifts that will change everything in the balance of entrepreneurship + motherhood… and you are more than capable of making them, . 🤍

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